The His and Hers Guide to Oral Sex

Fun fact: Guys in their thirties are more, um, giving.

While there’s little data from a generation ago, every expert we talked to says women are on the receiving end of oral sex more than ever. That’s possibly because we’re more confident in bed: A recent study found that women who expressed their needs received more oral sex, and that most young women believe it’s a turn-on for guys rather than a turnoff. “This points to a significant attitude shift—more women feel they deserve pleasure,” says Michael Reece, Ph.D., director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, Bloomington. We love that. Other news we just had to share:

It Happens More in Relationships.

Guys are more likely to go down on a woman when they’re in a relationship rather than during an impromptu fling, says a recent study. “People do a wider range of sexual acts in committed relationships,” notes study author Peter K. Jonason, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of South Alabama.

Older Men and Younger Women Are the Most Generous.

The statistics say it all: Roughly 75 percent of women in their early twenties performed oral sex on a guy in the past year compared with 60 percent of thirtysomethings, according to a 2010 survey from the Center for Sexual Health Promotion. But among men, 55 percent of young twentysomethings doled it out compared with 69 percent of guys in their thirties.

It’s Not Much Safer Than Sex.

Readers always ask us, so here are the facts: The risks of catching an STD through oral sex are slightly lower than through vaginal or anal, but you can, and it’s probably riskier for a woman to go down on a guy than vice versa. “Treat it as you would intercourse,” says J. Dennis Fortenberry, M.D., an STD researcher at Indiana University. That means getting tested and using a condom until you both get a clean bill of health.

Women Enjoy Receiving and Giving.

Gone is the idea that it’s an obligatory birthday present for a man. A study from the University of Alberta found that women usually connect going down on a guy with feelings of excitement and even power. “Women aren’t doing it just to please their partners,” says study author Brea Malacad. “There’s an element of control. It’s something that she can do for him that he can’t do for himself.” He wishes!

7 No-Pain Tips For Anal Sex Beginners (Who Are A Little Scared)

Anal sex can be intimidating at first, but you can make it easier.

Anal sex can be such a fun, exciting and super-pleasurable experience. However, lots of people get it so wrong that anal sex has a bad name. Some people try to avoid having anal sex altogether.

That’s why I’ve put together this guide on how to prepare for anal sex to teach you exactly how to get ready for and have incredibly pleasurable anal sex with your man. First, I’m going to cover the ground rules of preparing for anal sex, which you absolutely can’t avoid, like staying clean and safe. Then, I’m going to discuss how to actually make it happen. Let’s get to it.

The reason so many people never want to try anal sex with their partner is because they think it will be messy, unsexy or even unsafe. Follow these guidelines during your anal sex preparation and you will never have to worry about it being messy or unsexy.

1. First, make sure you are clean.

This first part is crucial. You need to start by making sure to use the bathroom. In the days leading up to anal sex, it’s a good idea to avoid Mexican food or any food that will give you a loose stool. I know it’s obvious, but some people totally forget about this. After you clean yourself on the inside, it’s time to clean your outside, too. This is usually a case of just having a shower.

2. Use the proper lubricant.

Some people think that just because you can’t get pregnant from anal sex means you don’t need a condom. If you are not both 100 percent monogamous or have been tested, you need to wear a condom. Catching an STI from anal sex is very possible. This is especially true if it’s the receiving partner’s first time, due to very small skin tears in the anus and rectum.

Choosing the right condom and lubricant is also crucial when learning how to prepare for anal sex. If you are using a latex rubber condom, then you must NOT use an oil-based lubricant. Oils will degrade the latex condom, making it highly likely that it will tear, something you absolutely don’t want to happen. So remember to choose a water-based lube when using latex condoms.

3. Don’t do anything you feel forced into.

One of the biggest problems when preparing for anal sex is that guys can develop an obsession with it. It could be because he’s curious, he wants to tell his friends “I’ve had anal sex,” or it could be any other reason.

That’s perfectly fine, but you absolutely should never feel forced to have anal sex with anyone. Just because your man is insisting on it doesn’t mean that you have to do it with him. If you really don’t want to try it, then don’t. It’s as simple as that.

4. Learn to relax your sphincter muscle.

At the entrance of your anus is your anal sphincter. This muscle plays a crucial role in how much you enjoy anal sex with your man. This muscle isn’t like others. It can’t relax very quickly; instead, it takes quite a while to fully relax, but once it does, it can stretch quite a bit. When it’s tight, it’s very tight. So during your anal sex prep, you need to set aside some time to allow your sphincter to relax comfortably.

If your man just tries to enter you without allowing you to first relax, then you’re going to have a very painful time. A good way to start getting it to relax is to first slip a lubed finger in there. Then, hold it in place for a few minutes and just relax. You’ll notice after a while that your sphincter just naturally loosens up.

As it does, try slipping in a second lubed finger. Again, wait a few minutes and you’ll notice your sphincter muscle starting to relax further. Now you don’t have to use your fingers and can use clean butt plugs or dildos instead. The key is to allow your sphincter to relax enough so you can fit your man’s penis comfortably in you.

5. And then take a little time to prepare yourself mentally.

Obviously, anal sex is quite different to vaginal sex. The biggest difference is how it feels for both of you. For the receiver, it can be quite unpleasant at first, especially if your partner doesn’t understand how your anatomy works. That’s why finding time to relax beforehand is important.

6. Ease into it.

You should both start in the doggy style position, with your man upright and still while you are on all fours. This way you will have full control of how fast and deep you take him. Remember: He absolutely must stay still at first. As you loosen up and become more comfortable, you can start allowing him to thrust into you. Just make sure he doesn’t get too caught up and forget that you need to control the pace.

How To Use A Vibrator For The Most Intense Orgasms Of Your Life

Fall in love with your vibrator — again and again.

Learning how to use a vibrator is incredibly enjoyable, and a great way to explore what you enjoy most in the bedroom. This tutorial on using a vibrator will teach you exactly how to use your vibe on yourself when you’re alone as well as with your man during sex.

1. Find the best vibrator for you!

The first thing to realize is that owning a vibrator is completely normal. In fact, when I surveyed my students, over 55 percent of them reported owning one. So the last thing you should think is that owning or using a vibrator is somehow taboo. It’s not. It’s completely normal.

Not only is owning a vibrator normal, but it’s pretty darn cheap, too. While you may see “rabbit” vibrators and the Hitachi vibrator being sold for up to $100, you can pick up a simple battery powered vibrator for as little as $5 online and have it shipped discreetly to your home.

2. Once you have a vibrator, it’s time to get to know it.

Before you start using your vibrator during sex, you should start off by using it on yourself. This way, you’ll know exactly how to use a vibrator it for maximum pleasure.

Start by turning it on and playing around with the settings so that you can get an idea of how intense it vibrates. If you’re already turned on, then you’ll notice how pleasurable it feels just holding it in your hand while it’s vibrating.

3. Use it to bring yourself to orgasm.

You should find somewhere quiet, where you aren’t going to be disturbed. Make sure you’re relaxed and comfortable and suitably turned on. Different people need to do different things to turn themselves on. Some need to watch porn, some need to read some erotica or a romance novel, while others need nothing more than their imagination. The key is doing what you need to do to get aroused. Don’t rely solely on the vibrator to turn you on.

When you find yourself aroused, it’s time to turn on your vibrator on a low setting, then run it gently over your body. Don’t feel that you need to go straight to your most sensitive regions with it just yet — instead, pay close attention to what feels enjoyable and pleasurable.

You’ll notice that different areas of your body respond differently to it. In certain areas, it will feel too powerful and it will be more irritating than pleasurable. This is totally normal, all you need to do is turn down the intensity, while other areas will require a lot of vibrations to feel enjoyable.

4. Experiment and focus on what feels good without worrying about reaching orgasm.

Eventually, bring the vibrator down to your groin area and start running it over yourself and pay close attention to what feels best. In a way, you will now be teasing yourself with the vibrator. If you then want to increase the pleasure, you can start bringing the vibrator closer and closer to your clitoris. Many women report that direct contact with the vibrator on their clitoris is painful, so you may want hold it a little bit away from any sensitive areas.

If you follow all these techniques, reaching orgasm should be incredibly simple.

5. Add a vibrator to your and your partner’s sex life.

A vibrator is a great way to keep sex hot, especially if you usually have trouble reaching orgasm through penetration alone.

Just keep it beside your bed so that you can quickly grab it to help yourself out while having sex.

Using the vibrator on yourself is the obvious choice, but don’t forget that you can also use it on your man too during sex or foreplay. You can gently run it over any part of his genitals and he will enjoy it. But, don’t be surprised if you find your man climaxing in less than a minute when you use it on the top part of his penis.

One of the best positions to use your vibrator on yourself during sex is doggie style as you will usually have one free hand, but do experiment with other positions too to see what you personally enjoy the most.

6. Use your vibrator to put on a show for your man.

Remember, guys are visual. That’s why they like porn after all! So, turn the lights right down and just do what you normally do when you’re on your own.

You might find that your man doesn’t feel like he’s “enough” for you if you are using a vibrator during sex. So if you can tell that your man is feeling weird about it, just let him know that it’s not him. Explain to him that the ability to reach orgasm during sex varies massively from woman to woman. Let him know that you’ve always had trouble and that the {{ vibrator is just something to help you “get over the line.”

Some guys can be pretty dumb about this, even after you explain it to him, so don’t expect this to work with every guy.

The last important point to make on learning how to use a vibrator is that you need to make sure that you don’t become dependent on it. If you use your vibrator every single night, then your body can change and eventually you will only be able to orgasm using a vibrator … Making sex a “meh” activity.

10 Tips for a Better Orgasm

No one actually needs to rally for the wonders of an orgasm when there’s enough research—as psychologist and sex therapist Mary Jo Rapini explains—that the tremor-inducing release of serotonin and endorphins can boost the immune system and decrease stress and anxiety.

But when there’s still a wide “pleasure gap” to bridge today—the term describing the slim number of women who experience orgasms during sex in relation to men—the main question is how.

Below, we consulted advice from across the scientific spectrum, from medical studies to sexperts to sex therapists, on ways to enhance the female orgasm and feel connected to your partner without giving up your primal right to come.

1. Ramp up the Foreplay

A study in the journal Hormones and Behavior shows that an increases in the “love drug” oxytocin helped couples have more intense orgasms. It doesn’t require any supplements for a big boost in the hormone, though, as your average cuddling, hugging, kissing, and bonding activities can do the trick. Make sure to carve out more bonding time with each other or extend your foreplay sessions before sex to enhance your sexual performance.

2. Delay Gratification

Instead of speeding toward the finish line, science says that building your way up to the brink of an orgasm then stopping—otherwise known as edging—and building yourself back up to the point of climax can encourage better, stronger orgasms.

3. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise

Sign up for a 5K race or schedule a game of tennis. Merely anticipating a competition triggers a 24 percent boost in testosterone for women, according to a study published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior. And any increase in that hormone also drives up your libido, so consider it a win-win. Plus, exercise stimulates blood flow to the genital area, increasing desire and lifting your mood.

4. Turn Up the Heat

Prior to sex, take a hot bath, or—if you’re short on time—place a warm washcloth over your vulva for a few minutes. Heat boosts blood flow to your vagina, leading to increased lubrication and sensitivity, says Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure.

5. Try the Tantric Method

As tantric instructor Dawn Cartright explains, harnessing the power of breath can slow down your mind and make it hyper-sensitive to full-body sensations. Open yourself up to orgasmic joys by breathing and rocking together, then tightening your PC muscles before sex.

6. Sip a Sex Tonic

Let an ancient sex stimulant work its magic: Warm some milk, add a pinch of saffron, and drink up, says Aliza Baron Cohen, author of Sex: Rediscovering Desire Through Techniques & Therapies.Saffron, which releases its intense flavor when heated, has been considered an aphrodisiac for thousands of years. Or, take one of Amanda Chantal Bacon’s cult-favorite Sex Dust formulas for a spin.

7. Recharge Your Batteries

Women who use vibrators say they have an easier time reaching orgasm during (vibrator-free) sex with a partner, according to a survey of 1,656 women conducted by the Berman Women’s Wellness Center. If you’re tech-friendly, try a vibrating “bullet” attachment that’s discreet enough to fit in your pocket (or on your neck). Or, get him in the action with one of the many couples’ vibrators out there, from the We-Vibe to the Eva.

8. Strike at the Optimal Moment

During the first two days of your cycle, your testosterone levels surge, your libido soars, and your breasts and clitoris become ultra-sensitive, says Gabrielle Lichterman, author of 28 Days: What Your Cycle Reveals about Your Love Life, Moods, and Potential. Intense orgasms may happen more easily than usual—and multiples are much more likely. Experts also suggest timing sex in the early morning when men experience their highest testosterone levels, or in the afternoon on weekends when women tend to ovulate.

9. Step Up for a Quickie

For stellar sex in a hurry, pull on a skirt and find a deserted staircase, suggests Sex for Busy People and The Field Guide to F*cking author Emily Dubberley. If you’re shorter than your guy, stand a step or two above him. Face him or turn toward the railing so he can enter you from behind. (Hint: Grip the rail for leverage—and don’t lean over too far!)

10. Try a New Rhythm Method

Majorly elevate your odds of climaxing during sex with the Coital Alignment Technique, says Dubberley. Have your partner lie on top of you, with his pelvis directly over yours. Wrap your legs around his thighs and rock together gently. Push up and forward so that your clitoris makes contact with the base of his penis. Patience is key: Find your rhythm and stick to it until you orgasm.

What’s a Rabbit Vibrator & Should You Buy One ASAP?

This iconic vibrator made its first appearance in a Sex and the City episode in 1998. Since then, nobody talks about it without mentioning the famous characters from the show. In the well-known episode, Miranda recommends the Rabbit vibrator to Charlotte while Samantha jokes about its name. Still, the Rabbit becomes so powerful that Charlotte doesn’t want to leave home because she enjoys it so much. Finally, Miranda and Carrie drag her out of her bad to put a stop to her addiction.

So, what’s a Rabbit vibrator? It’s a dual-action vibrator which allows penetration and clit stimulation simultaneously. Those two options put a smile on women’s faces and provide a variety of possibilities. Hence, 20 years later, the Rabbit is still a star.

A lot of women require both penetration and clitoral stimulation in order to climax; the Rabbit does both. Even though most pleasure comes from the clitoral stimulation, internal pressure feels good too. Many women seek this combination in order to achieve an orgasm.

The Rabbit is a phallic-shaped vibrator; in addition, it has a little arm, called the Tickler, which protrudes and is sometimes shaped like a real bunny. Inside the shaft, there are encapsulated pearls which allow the shaft to rotate. Some women find all of this a bit overwhelming, and that’s fine. Some newer models include less-intense options, without the protruding Tickler or the pearls. That might be a better choice for beginners.

Since the Rabbit is a bit big, some women find it hard to use, or they even feel intimidated by it. Sexologists recommend practicing with some basic tools – that is, your hands – before you rush and purchase the Rabbit. Fingers are also great for vaginal penetration. You can use a small vibrator or your fingers to stimulate the clitoris at the same time. Consider your hands an entry-level Rabbit.

When you feel like you are ready for the real Rabbit, take your time to explore your body with it. You can do it either with your partner or alone. Take baby steps if you are intimidated by all the features it provides. You don’t even have to insert it straight away. Try out stimulating different parts with different speeds of vibrations. Rub it on any place where it feels nice (your breasts are great for this).

Vibrations from the Rabbit could feel wonderful if you are up for that. If not, it can feel like too much. It’s best to insert it without the vibes the first time; that will feel much more comfortable. Also, don’t forget to use the lube; it will keep your parts from becoming sore. Keep in mind that the user manual doesn’t recommend using it for more than 20 minutes at a time.

It doesn’t matter if you like Charlotte or Miranda better; what matters is that the Rabbit might be great for upping your sex routine.